no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
