pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
