I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
