Apparently you make a good broom.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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