and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
