I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
