It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
