So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
