He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
