Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
