If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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