Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
