I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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