is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
