the condom got lost in my hair
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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