Everything about him screamed your future.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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