She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
