I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
