Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
