my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
