how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
