His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
