we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
