There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
