I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
