IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
