her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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