her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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