just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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