My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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