well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
