New invention idea: vibrating tampons
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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