All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
