So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
