i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
