At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
