my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
