um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
