I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
