his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
