I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
