this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
