**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
