Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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