Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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