Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
