If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
