can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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