hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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