I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
