physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
