puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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